So true

We call it Kitty Jail

My cat Snoopy has been a pee-er most of her life. When she was fairly young she had kidney stones and a sundry other urinary type problems. This made it painful for her to "go" and because she is a cat, she thought maybe going somewhere else could help with that pain. However, even after the health issues were sorted she developed a habit of peeing outside of her box when she is unhappy.
There have been a few bouts of chronic peeing but for the most part its once a month or so. Recently, she started doing it every day. We thought maybe it had to do with operation kitten rescue in our backyard but continued even after the kittens were gone. It has been ruining our laminate floors so we created Kitty Jail.
Kitty Jail involved moving Snoopy's favorite bankie, food and water into the hallway. We then used a baby gate to block off the hallway and the laundry room which is where her litter box is. So now whenever she pees outside the box she has to go to Kitty Jail. Update: For some reason this post got saved as a draft. Since then operation kitty jail has been successful. She is back to peeing only when we piss her off (mostly go out of town). We recently came back from an overnight trip to find some pee so we put her in jail. While still screaming about the injustice of it all, she went and used her litter box then made a big deal out of it as if to say, "I promise I will be good and use my box, see?" We shall see, we shall see.

Confessions: I collect things

I used to think only crazy old ladies and nerds collected things. (I am a nerd so now this post makes sense) I collect things. Two kinds of things actually.

I collect vintage Pyrex. First, you have to know that I read the internet a lot. Enough that I would randomly read something about how buying vintage kitchen items like Pyrex rather than buying new is making a comeback. So I read that and a few weeks later I was at my mom's; she had rearranged some items in her kitchen. Where the mixer used to be were two vintage pieces of Pyrex and one Fire King that I had never seen. I asked where they came from and she said that they were my great grandmothers. She then casually said, oh do you want them? YES! Of course I wanted them.
And so it began. This is a fun hobby because I go to flea markets and look for pieces priced far less than what I think they are worth. There is one booth at our local flea market who prices them high, and has the best pieces. I like to think of that booth owner as my nemesis.
Through my pursuits I have even accidentally bought a rare piece. It is my treasure.
You can see all the patterns here. I have pieces in 7 different patterns. Most in good condition, I only buy good condition ones unless the pattern is rare then I will buy just okay condition ones.

I also collect Maneki Neko. It should be obvious why.

Because I own a real life one!

Jen's simple rules for life

You must always wear a bra in public if you are 1. more than an A cup, or 2. over 35 years old. A shelf bra in a camisole only counts if there is an additional layer of clothing over that camisole.

Imagination

Last week at my grandfather's funeral a woman that knew me when I was young reminded me who she was and said in a condescending way, "You always had a wild imagination. You made up stories. Said your grandaddy had a horse with purple spots."
I smiled politely said, "Oh, I remember that horse." and walked away.
I can't get the image of this exchange out of my head, and I can't stop feeling so sorry for this woman and her children.

Real Food

So if you know me personally then you know I have struggled with my weight. Or maybe that is not the right word. used to be quite fit. It makes me sad now to think about how I thought I was fat in high school when I was actually fit and smoking hot. In college, I gained a freshman 100. Even though I had been fit, I had horrible eating habits. I was one of those lucky people who could eat junk and not gain weight. Well, a combination of not changing my habits as my body changed and an illness that put me on steroids for an extended time period (I can eat my body weight when I am on steroids) caused me to gain a lot of weight.
This lead to 20 years of yo-yo dieting. In retrospect, there is no way all that yo-yoing didn't damage my body. I have given up on quick fixes and starvation. It only makes me bitchy and more hungry. Each yo-yo bounces higher than the last. I want to eat yummy, healthy food and be healthy.

I have recently begun reading the blog Kath Eats Real Food and I am loving it. Now Kath and I are different in our tastes. It seems like she likes cold food and I like hot food. I also love sauces. My friend Amanda does not like sauces which is awesome because I always get to have her sauce and my sauce. I don't see Kath eating a lot of dripping food. But what she does eat looks great to me and I have started incorporating a lot of her concepts into my diet.

The other night after dance, I had blueberries, two golden kiwis, some greek yogurt, a little honey and some ground flax. It was fabulous! The ground flax I bought tastes like graham crackers.
Last night, while Chris had a reheated burger I had mixed salad greens with some dubliner cheese and a drizzle of honey. I cut my corn on the cob off of the cob and ate it as a part of my salad. We also quick sauteed some green beans. It was a fabulous meal and I think it was all real food!

Now with more liquor

Jen solves your problems with wine

It is time for another edition. Leave you problem, question or dilemma in the comments. A new video will be posted by Monday.

Porch Swings

Tomorrow I will film my 2nd edition of Jen Solves Your Problems with Wine. However, in this case that will be inaccurate because I think it is time to bust out a summer mixed drink recipe.
The Porch Swing. The Porch Swing tastes like a wonderful alcoholic, perfectly mixed Arnold Palmer. I first heard about the Porch Swing here. And while I LOVE Smitten Kitchen and all Deb has done for my culinary life, let me dumb it down for you.

I make these in a batch. I used a plastic Nalgene bottle with ounce markings on the side. It really gets the job done.
8 oz Lemonade (it doesn't have to be homemade but it shouldn't be too sweet so I use Simply Lemonade)
3 oz Gin, I think I have Bombay Sapphire
3 oz Pimm's No. 1, go to your better stocked liquor store - my corner store looked at me like I had two heads when I asked for Pimm's

Pour this mix into highball glasses over ice. Add a splash of 7-up and some thinly sliced cucumbers.
The cucumbers may seem a bit odd but there is just something about the fresh cucumber smell hitting you as you take a sip. Mmmmm...

I am not kidding that if you like lemonade, ice tea and all that is summer then you will love this drink. It goes perfectly with heat and BBQ. A word of warning, give it a stir every so often if you are a sipper - the Gin sinks to the bottom ;)

We had homemade Margarita and BBQ chicken pizza with our Porch Swings

Bad Kitties

About a week ago we had a stray cat with 4 kittens come into our yard. I could tell the momma cat was feral; she was very thin. I gave them some of my cats food. I thought the kittens looked too small for food but they ate and the momma even let them all eat first. They have been coming back everyday and we have been feeding them. They are all scared of us and the momma hisses at us constantly.

The goal was to get them friendly so we could find homes for them. Well, this morning I gave them kibble and milk and they were all eating. I decided to pick up the friendliest of the bunch, the dark grey one. I held it a minute and it let me pet it. When I put it down, I grabbed for one of the black ones who are usually the quickest to run away. It protested and I had to really hold it in my lap to get it to calm down so I could pet it a minute. I decided that I really needed to go in a take a shower but as I got up from the swing, I noticed the grey striped one had its back to me and was really close. I picked it up and it yowled and bit my finger. I put it right down and the momma came after me hissing and carrying on. That little booger drew blood and made a puncture mark in my hard as a rock shellac nail polish.

Knowing that the momma cat is that wild I don't think I can hope to tame her. I also don't think we can get the kittens tame enough to find them homes. I am going to borrow a cage from my uncle and try to trick the kittens inside with food. If we take them to the Humane Society where they can be handled regularly then they can be tamed. I would have liked to at least catch the momma to get her fixed but I think that she is just too feral.

 Being bitten by a wild kitten and chased by a hissing momma cat makes you thankful for the sweet animals in your life. This is Rocky, our official office mouse trap. In the morning her chases his toys around the office and in the afternoon he sleeps on my desk. He likes to try and drink our coffee and inspect all the drawers when we open them to file. He smells; I think it is because he is a boy.

 This is Snoopy aka Boogas. She is 16 years old and my best friend. She is the queen of our household and does not let Chris or I forget it. If you displease her, you may get your shoes peed on. She is super lovable on her own terms and knows how to cheer Chris and I up and make us feel better.

Fun Times

I just got back from a fun trip to visit friends. I had a blast but it is good to be home. I will be having another Jen Solves Your Problems with Wine this Friday so be on the lookout. I actually intend to make mixed drinks and I will post the recipe later this week.

The pain face

So this is the face I make when I laugh so hard that I stop breathing. This isn't even the worst of it because I was already trying to hyperventilate myself back to normal. This pain face was brought on by my drunk husband being well, drunk. It was documented by my mean friends. That they were trying to take a picture of me just made it worse.

Technology has failed me

So, you might be wondering where my video well...
Friday I had wine as usual and was even a bit more tipsy because I had worked out right before we started drinking. I brought my laptop home and brought my webcam box but it turns out that my webcam was not in that box, only the accessories. So I tried to use my husband's webcam but he didn't have a program and rather than download a program, I tried to record direct to YouTube. Well, it cut me off so only some of the questions got answered. If your question did not make it on this program, it will be on the next one.
Oh yes, there will be a next one. If only to prove that I am not idiot and that technology will not get the best of me.

So enjoy.....

Submit your problem

So if you have a problem or a question that you want answered, submit it in the comments on this post. I will make a video log featuring the answers during this weeks wine and pizza Friday and post it here.

Jen answers your questions with wine

I was so inspired recently that I decided to act on one of my crazy ideas. I am going to help people with their problems while I drink. See Regretsy had this post where April is answering questions then I saw My Drunk Kitchen cook while drinking. I had an idea! I will combine my favorite things of giving others advice while drinking. It will also allow me to use my new webcam which I bought for online dance classes.

So, one Friday. I am going to post here and on my facebook and people can leave their questions in the comments area. During wine and pizza Friday, I will make a video of me answering them. So if it works out then I will do it again.

My new favorite thing

Sometimes the Googles reads my mind and gives me suggestions. The other day it said, here I think you will like this. And boy did I ever. If you like drinking (and if you don't I doubt that we are friends) and you like food (again, seriously), then you will love My Drunk Kitchen. For real watch it. Brunch and Tacos are my favorites.

100 mostly lame things about me

Since you are reading my blog (really? what is wrong with you?) maybe you should know me better. I have wanted to do this since I saw Auny Becky's over a year ago but I am too lazy.

1. My middle name is Lynn which is the masculine spelling.
2. My mom doesn't know that some gender neutral names have a masculine a feminine spelling.
3. I will not eat cauliflower or octopus
4. I prefer not to eat bleu cheese, hot cooked fruit or anything raspberry flavored
5. My favorite food is birthday cake
6. Sometimes people don't like that birthday cake is my favorite food so then I say that it is chicken
7. My favorite drink is Big Red
8. Red is a flavor
9. I met my best friend after I ate a pan of jello shots that I was meant to distribute
10. Never ask a drunk 18 yr old to distribute your jello shots
11. Because high school was easy I wasn't prepared to study in college, my grades reflected this
12. Since I only did average in college, I wish that I had spent more time partying
13. I made up for it in graduate school
14. No one can drink more than adults that decide to get a masters degree and find themselves students again
15. Despite my loud volume, my dentist informs me that I have a rather small mouth
16. I have had 5 surgeries, all above my neck
17. My teeth were rather jacked up
18. but I have never had a cavity
19. I have perfect vision and hearing
20. I think this would make me be a good spy
21. I don't mean to listen to your conversation, I just can't help it
22. I always know what is going on so you might as well tell me and get my opinion
23. My teeth are fixed now, other people still can't see or here
24. Every emotion makes me cry
25. It is hard to yell at someone when you are mad if you are crying
26. When I am mad my accent decides to mimic the cast of Steel Magnolias
27. I am also a sympathetic cryer so if you cry, I will cry
28. Once a week, someone tells me I look like their best friend's sister
29. I look like your best friend's sister
30. Ironically, I do look like one of my best friend's sisters
31. I am afraid of spiders, needles and the ocean
32. The ocean is filled with sharks, jellyfish and ghosts of people who are not smart enough to be afraid of the ocean
33. I have felt my whole life like I have something to prove, I don't know what
34. I know just enough to be dangerous in several areas
35. Every year I change what I want to be when I grow up
36. I keep coming back to pastry chef
37. I will be a small business executive in my family business for ever
38. My favorite job ever was working in retail
39. I started bellydancing in 2004
40. The same year I met my husband
41. These two things are unrelated
42. Bellydancing is the first hobby that I have ever been good at
43. And the first one I have stuck with
44. It is my first love
45. My husband is my second
46. He is okay with this
47. We got married in a bar, on a cruise ship
48. I am clumsy
49. I spent 1 whole day of my honeymoon in a wheelchair
50. Because of this, I have never been to St. Thomas
51. I have never broken a bone
52. I have 3 major scars
53. The one on my chest is from chicken pox
54. The one on my hand is from an accident on a golf cart
55. The one on my head is from an accident on a golf cart
56. You would think that I would avoid golf carts
57. I have been in a couple of bad whitewater rafting flips
58. One of them gave me nightmares for a week
59. Rafting is still one of my favorite things
60. I didn't get chicken pox until I was 11
61. Chicken Pox is a virus related to herpes
62. My first major was microbiology
63. I remember a lot about the chapter on herpes
64. I think I am a really good cook
65. My husband says only if I don't count people who went to culinary school which I don't
66. I pretend to sew but it is much more like MacGuyver than Martha Stewart
67. My mom is named Martha Stewart
68. I wish someone had told me that you need to learn to sew before you can become a bellydancer, I would have tried harder
69. I have been to 5 of the seven continents
70. Technically, I have not been to Antarctica but I have been to the Antarctica welcome center so I count it
71. I have really big feet
72. Which most tall people have
73. I am 5'3" and 1/2
74. When you are shorter than 5'5" you count the 1/2
75. My favorite animal is a llama
76. In my dream home, I have 2 cats, a Welsh Corgie, a donkey and a llama
77. I just have one cat
78. We have a cat that lives in our office
79. When I am typing there is about a 40% chance that a cat is in my lap
80. There is a 100% chance that I have cat hair on me
81. My favorite ingredient to cook with is cat hair
82. I make myself laugh every day
83. Most of the time no one is around to hear me
84. I think I am a scaredy cat but occasionally I do something really brave
85. I walked on the edge on Auckland's Sky Tower, 192 meters above ground
86. This impresses me to no end
87. I am speed reader
88. If I really love a book, I read it a second time without speed reading
89. It is really hard to make yourself not speed read
90. I am also good at reading upside but only if I have to
91. In school I got in trouble a lot for not knowing where we were in the book
92. I was usually 20 something pages ahead
93. Every Sunday night at 11pm someone tried to fax my first apartment
94. I have an real appreciation for good wine
95. My favorite is New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc
96. There is always at least one piece of glitter on my body
97. I noticed a random piece of glitter stuck to the wall in my living room.
98. That's how I know it is home
99. When I started this I thought it would only take a few minutes.
100. It took me 8 months to complete this list to my own satisfaction.

My blogshake brings all the boys to the yard

I think I need to quit being so "I can only blog if it is fantastic" I mean
1. I am always fantastic
2. This pressure is stopping me from doing the things that I am best at: rambling, being funny and forcing my opinions on other people.
I started just writing on my other blog whenever I had anything to say and that seems to be working out. I also don't need to be hung up on having pictures. I read lots of blogs without pictures in every post.