My husband is an engineer. If you aren't familiar, engineers are know for being...quirky. My engineer in particular doesn't like to disappoint so he often find "substitutions" that to him sound like the same thing but I know they are not the same thing at all.
The other day when he went out to get something at the hardware store, I asked for a large bag of wild bird seed. The hardware store was closed so he went to a big box store. Once there, he could not find wild bird seed so he bought me a giant bag of cockateil food.
Last night after reading the ingredients out loud, I filled my three bird feeders. In minutes, two very surprised doves were on the ground eating what I spilled.
I imagined their conversation went something like this. (also, please read it in a cockney accent)
I wondered when they were going to top up the seed. I have been watching this spot for a week..holy shit, are these banana chips!?!
What? There are no banana chips here. OMG, I think this is a split pea.
Do they still call them spilt peas when they are whole? I mean, is any pea which is split in half a split pea?
What? What kind of question is that? It is a special kind of pea which is split. I think it grows in halves.
In halves? If it grows in halves isn't it growing in whole, and its whole just looks like a half. How does something grow in halves, you ninny!
Well, I am just saying that is grows in a shape which is half of the shape of a pea that is not characterized as a "split pea"
I don't think I can be friends with you any more.
Fine then.
Fine.
You know if you eat a bit of thistle and papaya at the same time its quite nice.
Oh yes, it is quite nice.
AND SCENE
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