Retail therapy this is not

So my great love of all things shopping does not apply to houses and/or mortgages.

Every time we come back from meeting our agent someone asks if we found a house. We have only looked at two! Plus when we do find a house there is a process. We will not come home and say, "We are back. We bought a house, can you help Chris get it out of the trunk."

I would not be so cranky if I wasn't sick. I just want someone to come in and say, "Here is your house. It is exactly what you wanted. Just sign this mortgage application and you are good to go."

My bra is good for a lot of things

So yesterday some really bored 15 year old girl wanted a way to tell the cute boys in her class that she had just gotten her first sexy bra. I bet it was light pink and black lace trimmed. Anyway, she posted it on her face booked status like so

Slutty McSlutterton light pink and black lace trimmed

How does one get away with this? By sending an e-mail telling all your girlfriends to also post the color of their bra as their status and to not tell any guys what it is about (so coy, the little ones). Why would the friends agree to do this? Because it is for breast cancer awareness of course! My friend Slutty, she is the smart one too.

What annoyed me about this whole thing is that it caught on like a California wild fire. Why do my grown and knowledgeable about how the world works friends think posting a color would do anything to help the fight against breast cancer? It doesn't. Maybe there are people out there wearing bras who don't realize that they have breasts and are thus affected by breast cancer but I seriously doubt that.

What would really help the fight against breast cancer? If everyone of those women made themselves an annual gyno/mammogram appointment and got a friend to make one too.

Or if every woman who shared her bra color with the world donated the cost of that bra to

Susan G Komen

American Cancer Society

Avon Cancer Charities

Lee Jeans Cancer Charities

or a number of worthwhile charities. Last year my friends raised over $2500 for breast cancer charities so you and your red bra can go suck it.

So help me spread the word and the next time one of your friends asks you to repost something to save a puppy ask them how that works, and offer this suggestion - go to the pound and save a fucking puppy!

Update: This was so riveting that Washington Post weighed in

Happy New Year!

Let's be honest about New Years' Resolutions

If you couldn't quit smoking in 2009 then you aren't going to quit smoking in 2010.

I am not going to work out more. Maybe a tiny bit more, but not because it is a resolution but because as I get into better shape it becomes easier and it makes me feel good.

I am going to start blogging more (you've heard that before haven't you) and I think I will. Not because it is a new year but because we have moved and now I am here in my office where I am the IT department and I can do whatever I want.

I got mad skillz

Just yesterday my friend, P, asked my advice and I told her what to say, like I always do. P pointed out that I always know what to say in any situation. Whether you want to be passive aggressive, mean, funny, make someone feel better, lie, be critical but not hurt their feelings. I realized that she is right. I do always know the best thing to say.

Then Laurie asked everyone today what their skill was, and how were they average. I am telling you what I told her.

I always know they right thing to say and I can come up with best plans/schemes/scenarios for any situation. I see all the paths. It also helps when say the boss wants a sudden unexpected meeting - I can run the scenarios and come up every good reason for this meeting and I am thus prepared.
This same skill kept me out of trouble when I was a teenager. I knew how to run the game. It was very Ocean's 11 just so I could stay out all night with a pack of friends and not be in trouble - it's my skill. I felt mad smart.

Then I went to college. There is no scheming in Organic Chemistry - you have to actually work really hard and memorize. Turns out I am not as smart as everyone thinks. I do also have a good memory but I am lazy so I would have had to read the stuff to actually memorize it.

In HR and any business and I can put my planning and sweet talking to work for me. I think a lot of times people fall to where their skills lie as opposed to what interests them.

Science still interests me, but its not what I love. Bellydance is what I love and I do that too. It just doesn't pay the bills.

What mad skillz were you born with?

Because I win at life!

I know, I am not a good blogger. In the world of blogging, I am a baby so Coo! and shit. This is good enough for now. Wait until we move. Then I will wear you out with boring stories about me.

Aunt Becky has asked me some important questions, and if I answer them I could win a prize. That's inconsequential because I already WIN AT LIFE!

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Yes, it is actually my favorite thing on ice cream. I also like the waffle cones

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why? Pussy when defined as kitty cats. I am okay that the guy at the bar is a pussy because he won't take the shot but I do like Fat Boogas to be called a pussy. She is a cat dammit, and she can kick your ass!

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be? Birthday cake (with sprinkles)

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis? Make the bed

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself) Jifenner

6) Your stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they? ABBA, The Barenaked Ladies, Letters to Cleo, Copeland and Bach

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false? True

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self? Someday you be happy to be average. Average is not as average as you think.

Holy Basil, Batman!

Have I mentioned previously that I have a touch of the crazy? (My mom gets SO mad when I say things like that) I do. I have anxiety and mild panic disorder (read: freak out disease).

I have been on and off the prescriptions meds. I prefer not to take any more meds than I have to so when I feel okay I go off them (under Dr's supervision, I am not that crazy).

Most recently I went on Lexapro in 2007 (the year of the suck*) and have been off of it since early this year. With all the stress of moving my anxiety has been running high. I saw a magazine blurb about Holy Basil which is good for anxiety. The next time Chris and I went to the health food store to buy cat food - did you doubt that Fat Boogas eats better than us? - I got a bottle.

I took it on Monday and my friends had a good giggle about my hippy tendencies. We went to lunch and the waiter over filled someones tea, giggled about it and left. Then I got the giggles. All week all we can do is talk about how over giddy people must be on the Holy Basil.
Also, the bottle says to take it with warm water. My friend says this is because you take it with bong water which is already warm.

I can't really say that I feel better but I did stand in line for 3 hours for a midnight showing of New Moon and didn't mace a single 15 year old. That should be proof enough.

*My husband always makes mention when I call 2007 the year of the suck that we got engaged that year. I remind him that he pushed back his proposal plans two times because people in my family kept dying.

I found out that November is like blog everyday month. It was half over when I found out. I thought about boycotting and not blogging at all but then I had something to talk about. I give up.