Say Something Funny

So true

2011-10-13T14:21:00.000-04:00

We call it Kitty Jail

2011-09-23T13:46:00.000-04:00

My cat Snoopy has been a pee-er most of her life. When she was fairly young she had kidney stones and a sundry other urinary type problems. This made it painful for her to "go" and because she is a cat, she thought maybe going somewhere else could help with that pain. However, even after the health issues were sorted she developed a habit of peeing outside of her box when she is unhappy.
There have been a few bouts of chronic peeing but for the most part its once a month or so. Recently, she started doing it every day. We thought maybe it had to do with operation kitten rescue in our backyard but continued even after the kittens were gone. It has been ruining our laminate floors so we created Kitty Jail.
Kitty Jail involved moving Snoopy's favorite bankie, food and water into the hallway. We then used a baby gate to block off the hallway and the laundry room which is where her litter box is. So now whenever she pees outside the box she has to go to Kitty Jail.Update: For some reason this post got saved as a draft. Since then operation kitty jail has been successful. She is back to peeing only when we piss her off (mostly go out of town). We recently came back from an overnight trip to find some pee so we put her in jail. While still screaming about the injustice of it all, she went and used her litter box then made a big deal out of it as if to say, "I promise I will be good and use my box, see?" We shall see, we shall see.

Snausages

2011-09-08T09:51:00.000-04:00

Warning! This video contains adult language. I know this blog is about me and this video isn't but

Confessions: I collect things

2011-09-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

I used to think only crazy old ladies and nerds collected things. (I am a nerd so now this post makes sense) I collect things. Two kinds of things actually.

I collect vintage Pyrex. First, you have to know that I read the internet a lot. Enough that I would randomly read something about how buying vintage kitchen items like Pyrex rather than buying new is making a comeback. So I read that and a few weeks later I was at my mom's; she had rearranged some items in her kitchen. Where the mixer used to be were two vintage pieces of Pyrex and one Fire King that I had never seen. I asked where they came from and she said that they were my great grandmothers. She then casually said, oh do you want them? YES! Of course I wanted them.
And so it began. This is a fun hobby because I go to flea markets and look for pieces priced far less than what I think they are worth. There is one booth at our local flea market who prices them high, and has the best pieces. I like to think of that booth owner as my nemesis.
Through my pursuits I have even accidentally bought a rare piece. It is my treasure.
You can see all the patterns here. I have pieces in 7 different patterns. Most in good condition, I only buy good condition ones unless the pattern is rare then I will buy just okay condition ones.

I also collect Maneki Neko. It should be obvious why.

Because I own a real life one!

Jen's simple rules for life

2011-08-23T09:47:00.000-04:00

You must always wear a bra in public if you are 1. more than an A cup, or 2. over 35 years old. A shelf bra in a camisole only counts if there is an additional layer of clothing over that camisole.

Imagination

2011-08-03T14:59:00.000-04:00

Last week at my grandfather's funeral a woman that knew me when I was young reminded me who she was and said in a condescending way, "You always had a wild imagination. You made up stories. Said your grandaddy had a horse with purple spots."
I smiled politely said, "Oh, I remember that horse." and walked away.
I can't get the image of this exchange out of my head, and I can't stop feeling so sorry for this woman and her children.

Real Food

2011-07-14T12:11:00.000-04:00

So if you know me personally then you know I have struggled with my weight. Or maybe that is not the right word. used to be quite fit. It makes me sad now to think about how I thought I was fat in high school when I was actually fit and smoking hot. In college, I gained a freshman 100. Even though I had been fit, I had horrible eating habits. I was one of those lucky people who could eat junk and not gain weight. Well, a combination of not changing my habits as my body changed and an illness that put me on steroids for an extended time period (I can eat my body weight when I am on steroids) caused me to gain a lot of weight.
This lead to 20 years of yo-yo dieting. In retrospect, there is no way all that yo-yoing didn't damage my body. I have given up on quick fixes and starvation. It only makes me bitchy and more hungry. Each yo-yo bounces higher than the last. I want to eat yummy, healthy food and be healthy.

I have recently begun reading the blog Kath Eats Real Food and I am loving it. Now Kath and I are different in our tastes. It seems like she likes cold food and I like hot food. I also love sauces. My friend Amanda does not like sauces which is awesome because I always get to have her sauce and my sauce. I don't see Kath eating a lot of dripping food. But what she does eat looks great to me and I have started incorporating a lot of her concepts into my diet.

The other night after dance, I had blueberries, two golden kiwis, some greek yogurt, a little honey and some ground flax. It was fabulous! The ground flax I bought tastes like graham crackers.
Last night, while Chris had a reheated burger I had mixed salad greens with some dubliner cheese and a drizzle of honey. I cut my corn on the cob off of the cob and ate it as a part of my salad. We also quick sauteed some green beans. It was a fabulous meal and I think it was all real food!

Now with more liquor

2011-06-28T15:18:00.000-04:00

Jen solves your problems with wine

2011-06-24T09:39:00.002-04:00

It is time for another edition. Leave you problem, question or dilemma in the comments. A new video will be posted by Monday.

Porch Swings

2011-06-23T11:28:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow I will film my 2nd edition of Jen Solves Your Problems with Wine. However, in this case that will be inaccurate because I think it is time to bust out a summer mixed drink recipe.
The Porch Swing. The Porch Swing tastes like a wonderful alcoholic, perfectly mixed Arnold Palmer. I first heard about the Porch Swing here. And while I LOVE Smitten Kitchen and all Deb has done for my culinary life, let me dumb it down for you.

I make these in a batch. I used a plastic Nalgene bottle with ounce markings on the side. It really gets the job done.
8 oz Lemonade (it doesn't have to be homemade but it shouldn't be too sweet so I use Simply Lemonade)
3 oz Gin, I think I have Bombay Sapphire
3 oz Pimm's No. 1, go to your better stocked liquor store - my corner store looked at me like I had two heads when I asked for Pimm's

Pour this mix into highball glasses over ice. Add a splash of 7-up and some thinly sliced cucumbers.
The cucumbers may seem a bit odd but there is just something about the fresh cucumber smell hitting you as you take a sip. Mmmmm...

I am not kidding that if you like lemonade, ice tea and all that is summer then you will love this drink. It goes perfectly with heat and BBQ. A word of warning, give it a stir every so often if you are a sipper - the Gin sinks to the bottom ;)

We had homemade Margarita and BBQ chicken pizza with our Porch Swings

Bad Kitties

2011-06-22T14:36:00.000-04:00

About a week ago we had a stray cat with 4 kittens come into our yard. I could tell the momma cat was feral; she was very thin. I gave them some of my cats food. I thought the kittens looked too small for food but they ate and the momma even let them all eat first. They have been coming back everyday and we have been feeding them. They are all scared of us and the momma hisses at us constantly.

The goal was to get them friendly so we could find homes for them. Well, this morning I gave them kibble and milk and they were all eating. I decided to pick up the friendliest of the bunch, the dark grey one. I held it a minute and it let me pet it. When I put it down, I grabbed for one of the black ones who are usually the quickest to run away. It protested and I had to really hold it in my lap to get it to calm down so I could pet it a minute. I decided that I really needed to go in a take a shower but as I got up from the swing, I noticed the grey striped one had its back to me and was really close. I picked it up and it yowled and bit my finger. I put it right down and the momma came after me hissing and carrying on. That little booger drew blood and made a puncture mark in my hard as a rock shellac nail polish.

Knowing that the momma cat is that wild I don't think I can hope to tame her. I also don't think we can get the kittens tame enough to find them homes. I am going to borrow a cage from my uncle and try to trick the kittens inside with food. If we take them to the Humane Society where they can be handled regularly then they can be tamed. I would have liked to at least catch the momma to get her fixed but I think that she is just too feral.

Being bitten by a wild kitten and chased by a hissing momma cat makes you thankful for the sweet animals in your life. This is Rocky, our official office mouse trap. In the morning her chases his toys around the office and in the afternoon he sleeps on my desk. He likes to try and drink our coffee and inspect all the drawers when we open them to file. He smells; I think it is because he is a boy.

This is Snoopy aka Boogas. She is 16 years old and my best friend. She is the queen of our household and does not let Chris or I forget it. If you displease her, you may get your shoes peed on. She is super lovable on her own terms and knows how to cheer Chris and I up and make us feel better.

Fun Times

2011-06-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

I just got back from a fun trip to visit friends. I had a blast but it is good to be home. I will be having another Jen Solves Your Problems with Wine this Friday so be on the lookout. I actually intend to make mixed drinks and I will post the recipe later this week.

The pain face

2011-06-14T11:27:00.000-04:00

So this is the face I make when I laugh so hard that I stop breathing. This isn't even the worst of it because I was already trying to hyperventilate myself back to normal. This pain face was brought on by my drunk husband being well, drunk. It was documented by my mean friends. That they were trying to take a picture of me just made it worse.

Technology has failed me

2011-06-13T11:46:00.000-04:00

So, you might be wondering where my video well...
Friday I had wine as usual and was even a bit more tipsy because I had worked out right before we started drinking. I brought my laptop home and brought my webcam box but it turns out that my webcam was not in that box, only the accessories. So I tried to use my husband's webcam but he didn't have a program and rather than download a program, I tried to record direct to YouTube. Well, it cut me off so only some of the questions got answered. If your question did not make it on this program, it will be on the next one.
Oh yes, there will be a next one. If only to prove that I am not idiot and that technology will not get the best of me.

So enjoy.....

Submit your problem

2011-06-10T10:06:00.002-04:00

So if you have a problem or a question that you want answered, submit it in the comments on this post. I will make a video log featuring the answers during this weeks wine and pizza Friday and post it here.

Jen answers your questions with wine

2011-06-09T14:20:00.000-04:00

I was so inspired recently that I decided to act on one of my crazy ideas. I am going to help people with their problems while I drink. See Regretsy had this post where April is answering questions then I saw My Drunk Kitchen cook while drinking. I had an idea! I will combine my favorite things of giving others advice while drinking. It will also allow me to use my new webcam which I bought for online dance classes.

So, one Friday. I am going to post here and on my facebook and people can leave their questions in the comments area. During wine and pizza Friday, I will make a video of me answering them. So if it works out then I will do it again.

My new favorite thing

2011-06-09T14:12:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the Googles reads my mind and gives me suggestions. The other day it said, here I think you will like this. And boy did I ever. If you like drinking (and if you don't I doubt that we are friends) and you like food (again, seriously), then you will love My Drunk Kitchen. For real watch it. Brunch and Tacos are my favorites.

100 mostly lame things about me

2011-06-09T14:07:00.001-04:00

Since you are reading my blog (really? what is wrong with you?) maybe you should know me better. I have wanted to do this since I saw Auny Becky's over a year ago but I am too lazy.

My middle name is Lynn which is the masculine spelling.
My mom doesn't know that some gender neutral names have a masculine a feminine spelling.
I will not eat cauliflower or octopus
I prefer not to eat bleu cheese, hot cooked fruit or anything raspberry flavored
My favorite food is birthday cake
Sometimes people don't like that birthday cake is my favorite food so then I say that it is chicken
My favorite drink is Big Red
Red is a flavor
I met my best friend after I ate a pan of jello shots that I was meant to distribute
Never ask a drunk 18 yr old to distribute your jello shots
Because high school was easy I wasn't prepared to study in college, my grades reflected this
Since I only did average in college, I wish that I had spent more time partying
I made up for it in graduate school
No one can drink more than adults that decide to get a masters degree and find themselves students again
Despite my loud volume, my dentist informs me that I have a rather small mouth
I have had 5 surgeries, all above my neck
My teeth were rather jacked up
but I have never had a cavity
I have perfect vision and hearing
I think this would make me be a good spy
I don't mean to listen to your conversation, I just can't help it
I always know what is going on so you might as well tell me and get my opinion
My teeth are fixed now, other people still can't see or here
Every emotion makes me cry
It is hard to yell at someone when you are mad if you are crying
When I am mad my accent decides to mimic the cast of Steel Magnolias
I am also a sympathetic cryer so if you cry, I will cry
Once a week, someone tells me I look like their best friend's sister
I look like your best friend's sister
Ironically, I do look like one of my best friend's sisters
I am afraid of spiders, needles and the ocean
The ocean is filled with sharks, jellyfish and ghosts of people who are not smart enough to be afraid of the ocean
I have felt my whole life like I have something to prove, I don't know what
I know just enough to be dangerous in several areas
Every year I change what I want to be when I grow up
I keep coming back to pastry chef
I will be a small business executive in my family business for ever
My favorite job ever was working in retail
I started bellydancing in 2004
The same year I met my husband
These two things are unrelated
Bellydancing is the first hobby that I have ever been good at
And the first one I have stuck with
It is my first love
My husband is my second
He is okay with this
We got married in a bar, on a cruise ship
I am clumsy
I spent 1 whole day of my honeymoon in a wheelchair
Because of this, I have never been to St. Thomas
I have never broken a bone
I have 3 major scars
The one on my chest is from chicken pox
The one on my hand is from an accident on a golf cart
The one on my head is from an accident on a golf cart
You would think that I would avoid golf carts
I have been in a couple of bad whitewater rafting flips
One of them gave me nightmares for a week
Rafting is still one of my favorite things
I didn't get chicken pox until I was 11
Chicken Pox is a virus related to herpes
My first major was microbiology
I remember a lot about the chapter on herpes
I think I am a really good cook
My husband says only if I don't count people who went to culinary school which I don't
I pretend to sew but it is much more like MacGuyver than Martha Stewart
My mom is named Martha Stewart
I wish someone had told me that you need to learn to sew before you can become a bellydancer, I would have tried harder
I have been to 5 of the seven continents
Technically, I have not been to Antarctica but I have been to the Antarctica welcome center so I count it
I have really big feet
Which most tall people have
I am 5'3" and 1/2
When you are shorter than 5'5" you count the 1/2
My favorite animal is a llama
In my dream home, I have 2 cats, a Welsh Corgie, a donkey and a llama
I just have one cat
We have a cat that lives in our office
When I am typing there is about a 40% chance that a cat is in my lap
There is a 100% chance that I have cat hair on me
My favorite ingredient to cook with is cat hair
I make myself laugh every day
Most of the time no one is around to hear me
I think I am a scaredy cat but occasionally I do something really brave
I walked on the edge on Auckland's Sky Tower, 192 meters above ground
This impresses me to no end
I am speed reader
If I really love a book, I read it a second time without speed reading
It is really hard to make yourself not speed read
I am also good at reading upside but only if I have to
In school I got in trouble a lot for not knowing where we were in the book
I was usually 20 something pages ahead
Every Sunday night at 11pm someone tried to fax my first apartment
I have an real appreciation for good wine
My favorite is New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc
There is always at least one piece of glitter on my body
I noticed a random piece of glitter stuck to the wall in my living room.
That's how I know it is home
When I started this I thought it would only take a few minutes.
It took me 8 months to complete this list to my own satisfaction.

My blogshake brings all the boys to the yard

2011-06-09T14:00:00.000-04:00

I think I need to quit being so "I can only blog if it is fantastic" I mean
1. I am always fantastic
2. This pressure is stopping me from doing the things that I am best at: rambling, being funny and forcing my opinions on other people.
I started just writing on my other blog whenever I had anything to say and that seems to be working out. I also don't need to be hung up on having pictures. I read lots of blogs without pictures in every post.

Day 9: a long strange trip

2010-09-29T11:31:00.001-04:00

I think day 9 was a Thursday. This is not important. What is important is how far we drove. Go to this map. Find Waterford (its at the bottom) now find Kilkenny above that. We drove from Kilkenny to Waterford to just outside Cork then north to Cashel then back to Kilkenny, it was quite a day.

One of the places I had to see was Waterford, the home of Waterford Crystal. This turned out to be a good choice. Chris really liked the tour. We got to see them making crystal from start to finish. It is really fascinating. All the workers apprenticed for 8 years before they could be called master crystal makers and only masters work on the floor. Everyone can do every single job from blowing to engraving. There are no cheat sheets so the cutters have to have every pattern memorized. There are also no seconds. If any piece is not perfect, it is smashed.

The coolest thing that I think we saw was in the cutting area, there was a guy working with this cabinet/chamber. We asked what he was doing and he stopped to show us. They were using sand blasting to etch very fine snowflakes in a champagne flute. The designer then wanted it acid dipped (what makes it sparkle) and more snowflakes etched after the dip so they would be white instead of clear. He was doing some R&D to see if what the designer wanted could be done. So cool!

In the showroom, were yes I bought crystal even though I was already wondering what to do with all the crystal we got at out wedding.

We then headed on in to County Cork to see Blarney Castle and the Blarney Stone. It was weird because Blarney only got a tiny blip in our guide book but doesn't every trip to Ireland need a trip to the Blarney Stone. The answer is No! I am not even going to put up a photo. There is not historical tour. There is no learning. You can wait on line for over and hour to kiss a rock that locals pee on at night. No thank you, I want my money back. If you go to Ireland and your friends say, "aren't you going to see the Blarney Stone?" Just tell them "no, it is crap." You heard it from me.

Luckily our foul castle mood was saved by our final stop, The Rock Of Cashel. The Rock of Cashel is actually a hill and on it sits a very old monastery and residence. The chapel contains some of the oldest frescoes in the world. It has an interesting history in architecture and residence. It was here that St. Patrick converted the King of Munster so it is sometimes known at St. Patrick's Rock.

The round tower at Cashel

St. Patrick's Cross (a replica actually, the real one was moved indoors). Our guide said if you could get your arms around it then no more toothaches for life. Chris made a "that doesn't look hard face", there was a solid 3 feet between my hands.

We had a late lunch so we just stopped off at a store some pastries and ate dinner in our room at the B&B. Day 10 was our last day in Ireland.

Day 8: The long road

2010-09-14T15:44:00.000-04:00

So on day 8 we reluctantly left County Meath and headed south.Once we clear Dublin, we head down the East Coast and make out first stop in Enniskerry at Powerscourt Estate. It was really nice to get out and stretch our legs in these breathtaking gardens.

I loved the tower gardens. This is what most of Ireland looks like except here it is on purpose.

Chris was intrigued by the pet cemetery. Here you see the grave of Eugenie a beloved Jersey Cow.

We then drove on to Glendalough, which I had been looking forward to all week. This was however, the one stop where it would rain on us. We did get a nice look around. Glendalough is home to St. Kevin, a monk that so admired for his practices of solitude that a monastery will built by his followers. Ironic, yes?

Getting wet at Glendalough, you can see the round tower in the distance

It was in Glendalough that we ran out of Euros and I was very concerned with our lack of funds. We didn't have anymore stops for which we might need cash and we did have our credit cards. Luckily as we drove through tiny village after tiny village we saw a Bank of Ireland which advertised a Bureau de Change. I felt so much better once we had cash again.

We spent the rest of the afternoon driving through the countryside on our way to our next B&B Moonarch Inn in Callan.

This is what Ireland looks like mostly

and this

Once we had unloaded and checked in, we drove back over to Kilkenny for dinner. Even though we weren't super hungry, I had picked Langton's out of the guide book and decided to try it. The food was stellar as was the beer and we recommend it.

After, dinner we walked down to Kilkenny Castle. It was closed but we looked in the gates. We then strolled about town and even though most shops were closed, it was fun to window shop and people watch.

You can just see Kilkenny Castle in the background

Day 7: Green

2010-09-02T11:26:00.002-04:00

Man, I am so glad the title bar prompts me or I would have no idea what day I am on.

We wake up to this double rainbow (you can barely make the 2nd in this photo, it's to the right). I am not kidding when I say you could see the end in front of those trees! Just unreal.

Ita at the B&B serves us toast, bacon (like ham not really bacon), sausage and eggs. We then get the breakdown on what we should see. Ita tells us to go back to bed because I look tired. To be honest I was exhausted so after breakfast we take her advice and go back to bed for an hour.
She then suggests that we check out Trim Castle which is close by. We did miss the turn and have to loop back around but I am so glad we found it. I think Chris and I both agree this was in the top 3 of things we saw for our entire trip. It is run by the equivalent of the Irish Park Service so there was en excellent guided tour. The wooden floors our mostly gone and so on the inside you use the stone stairs and walk across walkways. The tour was just amazing and I really learned a lot about castles. Including that they were all white inside and out - so movies are wrong when they show gloomy slate colored castles. We also learned the source of the phrases "stir the pot" & "shit stirrer" as well as why the person in charge is the Chairman on the Board.

Trim Castle was used as the stand in for York in the movie Braveheart

Next we headed out for Newgrange an ancient burial site. We had to drive some back country roads to get there and that is when I first noticed what I shall call the Irish Castle Phenomenon. Every town no matter how small has a castle. It may be a well preserved castle and furnished castle, it may be a gutted but well preserved in recent years (like Trim) or in most cases a round tower and few standing walls. Most of them are just in a field with some cows or sheep, no one pays them any mind. This just blew my mind! Who just takes the dog for a walk out past the castle! Unreal!

Anyway, it was after lunch when we got to Newgrange. Because the monument has timed entry the next possible time was too late for us to get back to Dublin on time. This meant we couldn't go in the burial site but there is a visitor center with a museum and great exhibit about how the site was used. Luckily since it was a closed passageway a lot of archeological evidence exists and unlike Stonehenge historians paint a pretty convincing picture of its purpose.

The 3 main sites with Newgrange being the largest were built 800 years before the pyramids in Egypt. The massive stones used were similar in size. One guide was kidding a young boy and said, "Go back to school and when your teacher asks who built the pyramids, say the Irish. Oh no, I am just kidding, don't say that. The Irish didn't build the pyramids. But we bid on 'em!"

Newgrange from the road

When I say that every point of interest has a cafe, I am not kidding. I also don't mean hot dogs and pre-packaged sandwiches. Every place in both England and Ireland has a nice cafe with tasty hot food. Since it was past lunch, we had a nice meal in the Newgrange visitors center. I had a chicken and mushroom puffed pastry thing and Chris had a Guinness meat pie. I will come back to how I think meat pies are a food overlooked by America. One of the interesting Irish condiments is Brown Sauce. We had already been ed offered some at breakfast but I declined. At lunch there it was in little packets just like the ketchup and mustard. I decided to try it. It was almost like thickened Worcestershire sauce. Very curious.

Wikipedia says it is like A1 but it wasn't tangy like A1

We then took a scenic drive back to the B&B where we regrouped and again caught bus to Dublin. By the time we arrived, we were a bit hungry again and about go to go drinking so we needed full bellies. We popped in Abrakebabra - see what they did there.

I made Chris take this photo. It is me being the most beautiful girl he has ever seen with a kebab.

We then headed out to our featured activity The Dublin Literary Pub Crawl. If you go to Dublin, you have to do this. But book in advance online, we did and were glad because we watched others get turned away. The tour is led by two actors who take you around to famous pubs and do sketches from works of famous Irish authors. Chris and started with 1/2 pints because we didn't want to over do it. There are only 4 pubs so we should have went with full pints. We also stopped at Trinity College and few places right on the side walk. It was fun. I am not sure Chris learned anything about literature though.

I won't lie, James Joyce is probably the one great author I can't stand but still going to Davy Byrne's is a little surreal.

Day 6: Give Chris a drink and....

2010-09-01T15:25:00.001-04:00

First let me say a few words about European Budget Airlines. We flew on Ryanair. They are dirt cheap. However, that is because you barely get a seat. Checking baggage costs a fortune and the carry on limit is one 15lb bag. No personal item. No "I am a lady so I get a purse". No duty free shopping bag. It must all fit in this one bag. Since I had to take my c-pap, we were forced to check a bag. Next you must know that Ryanair flights will always leave from the bit of the airport that is being remodeled or needs to be remodeled or has actually fallen down from lack of remodeling. Finally, there are no seat assignments and since everyone is taking the largest carry on bag possible none of them will fit under the seats and if you are not one in the first 50 people then you do not have room for your bag and will thus be charged the checked baggage fee to have it stowed. Also, in flight there are no free snack, drinks or water. They will try to sell you duty free (which you couldn't get before because it would have to fit in your carry-on) and also try to sell you charity lotto tickets.

Chris likes to play a game called "Chris has two or more beers and tells you about things he hates", Ryanair is the current topic.

Once we landed we went to Enterprise to get our rental car sorted. We got an upgrade to larger car!

Chris say,"I hate to see what we got an upgrade from"

Thanks to a new toll road and Dublin County's attempt to make everyone on it go through the toll, we missed our exit and went through the toll. Once we realized our mistake we followed the signs to the town our Bed and Breakfast was in. We had to ask directions in town but quickly found it. The owner said since they made it a toll road they took down the signs to make everyone go to far and loop around. She was right that if there had been a sign and we exited it was much easier to find.

At first we we sad about staying 14km outside of Dublin but it actually worked out for the best. We didn't fight traffic or pay to much for parking, and we were very close to some of the Meath County highlights. We stayed at Killeentierna House which I can't recommend enough.

After we checked in we began the I am hungry fight so we walked just up the road to County Club. The County Club is a nice restaurant and lounge. It was about 2 pm so we weren't sure what they would be serving. We walked in and chatted with the Chef who was just wrapping up what they call a Carvery Lunch (carving station). He said it was almost over and there wasn't much. We only wanted a snack so as not to ruin our dinner in Dublin so it sounded great. What we got was beef, carrots, cabbage, 3 scoops of mashed potatoes and a whole roasted potato. It was delicious but way too much. The chef was the first of many Irish people we met who has a cousin who works at a stud farm in Kentucky - not kidding, everyone is Ireland knows where Kentucky is!

The folks at County Club were so nice that when we asked to make smaller change for the bus, they found out what the fare was and made sure we had exact change for a return because the bus driver will not give you change.

It was about a 40 min bus ride to Dublin, but again it was worth it to get dropped off right in the city center.

Here I am waiting fer the bus.

Our first order of business was the Guinness Storehouse. It was a great tour. We learned history, how to make beer, how to drink beer and saw the sites of Dublin at The Gravity Bar. My interesting tidbit - Aurthur Guinness signed his lease for 9,000 years. St. James Gate was already a thriving brewery area and he didn't want the competition to think he was a fly by night brewery but that he was here to stay - for 9,000 years!

Chris is excited!

Our drinks at the end of the tour in The Gravity Bar which overlooks the entire city.

We ate at Gruel which was recommended in the travel guide. By far the best meal that we had for the entire trip. I can't recommend it enough. If you are in Dublin, check it out. It is tiny and you may have to wait but everything was fantastic.

After dinner we hiked it back to the bus station to catch our bus back to the house. The Dublin Bus Station is called Busarus. Which is pronounced just like it appears. I personally, think that they should change it to Busasarus.

Day 5: A couple big rocks

2010-09-01T12:20:00.000-04:00

So before even leaving the states, Chris and I had decided we wanted to see Stonehenge. I don't know why. Because it is a big deal. I have to tell you that it was sort of a let down. I mean it is incredible to think about how ancient peoples moved those big stones, but it is no more incredible in real life than it is on the History Channel. Honestly, I think I expected to feel tingly with magic or something. I did get my mom the most awesome present of a really hard jigsaw puzzle. She loves puzzles.

No kidding, her puzzle is pretty much this picture. Hard!

It wasn't a total loss because as we walked around it in a circle listening to our audio guides about how no one knows what it was for I snapped this awesome picture of Matthew.

After Stonehenge, we headed over to Windsor Castle. It has it's own shopping mall. Windsor Castle was very nice. We got to see Queen Mary's doll house which was really pretty awesome. Unfortunately, since it was Sunday there was mass in St. George's Chapel and we could not go in. Chris wouldn't have been allowed anyway because * spoiler alert* King Henry VIII is buried there.

Check out the link above to Wikipedia for the aerial view and to see just how big the castle is.

After Windsor Castle we went into the mall to at Gourmet Burger Kitchen (gbk). Chris had been looking forward to this as it is a Kiwi burger chain. Chris ordered the Kiwi Burger (not actual kiwis), an L&P (Kiwi soda) and a Mac's Gold (Kiwi beer).

Chris's dinner.

A description of the KiwiBurger: beetroot, egg, pineapple, cheese, salad (this means lettuce and tomato), mayonnaise & relish. We will make a voluntary donation on your behalf of 25p which will go to help save the Kiwi in Whakatane**

That was for our Sunday jaunt. Chris and I needed to get some sleep so we could leave for our early flight to Ireland. Luckily, we now knew which train to take.

Day 4: Good Morning, this is Floris, how may I direct your call?

2010-08-27T16:55:00.000-04:00

So, I had been looking forward to Saturday because we were going to meet up with Megan my friend from Middle School who lives outside of London. Our plan was to go to the British Museum and we met at a book shop just down the street.

We decided first to get breakfast. Megan's husband Sam had seen a Dutch Pancake house (called My Old Dutch Pancake House oddly enough) and it looked promising. The pancakes were thin and eggy and took up a huge plate. I had apple and bacon (which was actually ham). The key to the whole meal was that we ordered dutch fruit beers - for breakfast! I was excited enough about beer for breakfast but I had a beer called Floris Ninkeberry. Doesn't that sound like the name of a receptionist? They should definitely get a new Dutch receptionist on Mad Men named Floris Ninkeberry.

Megan and me in front of the BA. It's an awful picture of me but sadly we didn't take more.

This is some very expensive, feat of engineering, took 10 years to build ceiling that they put over the courtyard at the Museum. Chris was fascinated, I was ...... Oh, look kitties!

Kitty mummys actually.

After we had seen all the treasures pilfered from Egypt and Greece (Egypt is over it, Greece not so much), we walked around Covent Garden and then settled in for a cuppa and some chitchat.

Unfortunately, Megan and Same had to leave all to soon and Chris and I were back to walking aimlessly around town. We considered seeing a show, but all the ones we wanted to see were across town and about to start. We walked to a restaurant recommended by the guide book but the menu turned us off so we continued to wonder around and finally had dinner in a nice pub called The Wellington (maybe just Wellington but something like that) near the Theater District. We had a lovely meal and caught a big red double decker bus back to our hotel adding another one of the important public transportations to our list.

Day 3: Tower and Tower like things

2010-08-25T10:37:00.000-04:00

Day 3 started another early day. At the top of my list of must see things in the Tower of London. On the walk over the went my Monument because we could. it is a big monument.

As I have said previously, we watch The Tudors so that makes The Tower of London even more exciting because some episodes take place there. Some fun facts - the Beefeaters and staff actually live there, they have a church, a doctor and a pub which is all you need to survive. The doors are still locked at midnight and no one goes in our out.

This is me with our tour guide. The house like area behind him is where some of them live and the area where most imprisoned VIPs (such as Anne Boleyn) were kept. The guide lives in Sir Isaac Newton's old house!

The tower is really a massive fortress. It was home to the royal mint and is currently home to the Crown Jewels. You can see them but no pictures. We actually learned that they aren't insured but there has only ever been 1 attempt to steal them.

Tower Bridge was my favorite thing just to look at. We actually didn't go up in it and that is my one regret for this trip.

After out trip to The Tower we schlepped over to Spittafields Market for a coffee and then departed from Hope and Matthew so we could make our appointed time at The London Eye. This was one of the few things Chris hadn't done when he lived in London so we were both excited. It is essentially a giant ferris wheel with a pod that holds about 12 people. You only go around once, but one revolution takes 30 minutes. Sometimes it felt like we weren't even moving. The views are incredible and it is well worth it.

A view from the London Eye

After the eye, we hoped on a Thames Clipper. My travel guide said that we should do every form of public transportation so we had been planning on taking one of the boats and the Waterloo Millennium Pier is at the London Eye.

We departed at The London Bridge Pier and walked down the Thames path for our final destination of the evening Shakespeare's Globe Theater. On our way we stopped off and had dinner in a pub near The Clink.

Our first proper English meal. Fish and chips and a pint.

At The Globe which was really awesome. We saw Anne Boleyn which while not Shakespeare it was a subject we know about. I couldn't believe that all those people in the middle stood through the whole play. Also the top of the theater is open and they got rained on a little bit.

Day 2: Buckingham Palace and a steak

2010-08-23T16:11:00.000-04:00

Buckingham Palace is only open in August when the Queen makes her annual visit to Scotland and as luck would have it, it coincided with our visit. So rather join the throngs of people watching The Changing of the Guard, we got to see inside the Palace where many fancy parties are held. They also had a nice exhibit called The Queen's Year which highlighted her official duties. Like most historical sites in London, they offered excellent audio guides with your tour. This made everything very quiet which helped punctuate Matthew "what's that?" 's

Buckingham Palace does not have mildew

After the Palace, we had a nice lunch with Hope and Matthew at Wagamama. The waitress acted like I was the first person to ever actually eat the Kimchi which makes me wonder why they serve it. They went off to a Dr appt for Matthew and Chris and I continued to explore.

Our first stop was Harrod's, where we found out "I cannot has" and rode the escalators all the way to the top and back down.

Then we headed off the Westminster area.

After some photo's with Big Ben, we did a tour of Westminster Abbey which even at the "at your own pace" audio tour takes several hours. Chris and I watch the Tudors (I know, right!) and so he was engaged in this tour seeing where some of his favorite characters are buried.

We then did a quick run through of Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery. We were running on empty so we literally ran in, saw the Monet and Van Gogh and ran out.

We detoured through Piccadilly Circus on the way to get back to the hotel.

I am the only person in the world who like pigeons

For dinner, Hope and Ben took us to Gaucho's an Argentinian steak house. Chris had warned me that they don't eat a lot of steaks in England. Since I come from beef country, I am a little snobbish about my steaks. The best part of the evening came when the server asked Chris if he wanted a sauce on his steak and Chris said, "Sauce? I thought it was supposed to be a good steak."

It was a good steak but my dad cooks steaks just as good so I wouldn't write home about it. We did have excellent Argentinian Malbec, and my wine knowledge seemed to impress Chris. He is glad I took that class at UT.

Bonus Post- London is not for the OCD or even just the really anal

2010-08-23T11:49:00.000-04:00

So my first thought as we rode the train from the airport to the city was, "Gee, this place could use some Spackle" I like to Spackle and I like to fill in cracks so the amount of cracks already perplexed me, but London is an old city and old cities have cracks so I needed to get over that.
The first thing I noticed about our hotel room was the mold and mildew in bathroom. It happens, I think of not perfect hotels like camping. There is mold and mildew in the outdoors and people go camping all the time. I used to love camping (but then I became sane).
But as we went around the city I began to notice that pretty much everything was mildewy. Old and moldy castles aren't the only thing that smell like old and moldy castles. They say it is the dampness but there wasn't really much humidity. I lived in Miami, it's damp. You do have to fight the mildew a little harder but it can be fought. So the reason I can't live in London is that I would walk around armed with two bottles of Tilex like a wild west sheriff and spray everything. Maybe start a pressure washing business and when I didn't have any paid work, I would just go around and pressure wash things with Tilex.

Chapter 7: In which we go across the pond - Day 1: London Arrival

2010-08-23T11:40:00.001-04:00

It's a fact that I write a mean travel blog. Unfortunately, all my other blogs are half-ass. So, we are 8 days back from our trip to England and Ireland and I am just now blogging about it, but at least I am so shut up.

Let me start by saying that sleeping on the plane is important. Get tranquilizers or something because cheap airline wine won't cut it. Chris and I arrived in London exhausted. Then we had to haul our luggage on the train. I am now 100% against trips where no one picks you up at the airport. Even in Mexico, Vacation Express sends a shuttle to haul you 1.5 hrs down to the Riviera. Well, not it London. You are expect to schlep (and I mean schlep) your goods and services across town. Of course, Chris and I wanted to maximize everyday in London so we landed at 7 am. Big mistake! The train we took into town (which even though it was called the Gatwick Express, we now know was not our best choice) took us to the busiest tube station in town at morning rush hour. Not long after we go there they announced that they were not going to let anyone else in the station until some people left because it was too crowded. Not only was it too crowded but there is clearly no ADA in London because there are 100 steps up or down to get to anything. This is good for your fitness unless you have four 50lb bags then it is good for heart attacks and hernias. So finally about 10 am we get to the hotel. We stayed at the Travelodge on City Road. It was insanely basic with the 2nd hardest bed I ever slept on but it was pretty cheap for the area. Since we were early the front desk gave us flack and said no rooms were available. When I got my bitch face on, she offered us a disabled room for a 10 pound early check in rate. We took it because our other choice was standing around 5 more hours with our 200 lbs of luggage.

We dumped our stuff and embarked on our first site seeing adventure. It lasted 10 minutes before Chris and I started screaming at each other, it turns out we hadn't eaten in 7 hours (and only had 2 hours sleep in about 12). We quickly realized this and ate at Wasabi in silence. Once the blood sugars were normalized, we were magically happy. We also discovered that with a CitiCard we could exchange currency at CitiBank which had better rates than the Bureau de Change.

We then headed off to St. Paul's for our first of many tours. - In case you don't know, it's a really big deal that the German's didn't get St. Paul's in WWII. In fact, WWII is a really big deal in all of London since it really was a center of action.

This is me, standing on the Millennium Bridge with St. Paul's Cathedral in the background.

We then had a bit of a walk before I literally ran of steam. I think I looked at Chris and said, "I think that was my last step for the day." Back to the hotel for a power nap. I slept so soundly that when my phone went off, my heart jumped out of my chest. We then headed over to The Barbican to visit Chris's sister and our nephew Matthew.

Matthew at dinner

I was pretty late night for 2 people who now had slept 4 hours of the last 34. I actually think it wasn't until the next day when I noticed how hard the beds were.

Geography for the masses

2010-07-16T10:38:00.002-04:00

So our office radio, which is totally in another room but I have mad hearing skills, is on a country station. I personally do not like country music so this is my exposure. Like my favorite 80s-90s-and today station it plays the same 3 songs over and over. One of these songs has a refrain in Spanish. I am pretty sure the song is about going to Mexico. I have been to Mexico and I think it is the kind of thing that a person would want to sing about. Anyway, in this song the dude loves Mexico so much that he even learned enough Spanish to sing the one line in the refrain. Also, in the refrain he says that they will drink some Jager(meister). Now again, I have been to Mexico and let me assure you that you can drink whatever the hell you want and lots of it. But if I loved Mexico so much I was going to write a song about it, I think I would at least promote one of Mexico's main exports such as tequila or Kahlua. I'm just sayin'.

Boogas needs a photo blog

2010-05-20T14:35:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I think if I had a photo blog it would be so much easier. Well, today I found Basket Cat Blog (warning: In Japanese, but its just pictures). Boogas is 10 times cuter. She needs a photo blog.

This is my new life philosophy

2010-02-24T12:16:00.005-05:00

It is no secret that I like to say "bitches".

Well, I just saw an item for sale by regretsy (which is where DIY meets WTF). I NEED this. If you, like me, plan 7 months ahead for all birthdays then you should go ahead and buy this for me today.

Namaste, Bitches - t-shirt on regretsy

I farted during Yoga

2010-02-18T09:28:00.002-05:00

I tried to think of a better title but there isn't one. That's what happened and that's the best way to say it.

We were doing boat pose. Now I am only about 1/2 way there on boat pose. I can't let go of my knees. Even though I don't think holding them is doing anything, it is just psychological. So there I was in boat pose thinking about letting go of my knees and TOOT!

It was a serious toot, more like a honk actually. Very gooselike. I had been sniffling all night so for second I hoped everyone would think it was a sound I made with my sinuses. No one said anything. I didn't say anything. I usually don't say excuse me because usually there is no one around. I am a toot in private kind of lady. Or my husband is there but if it just us and someone farts we both immediately say "kitty?".

By virtue of being late Chris and I were separated by two mats, I hoped this meant he was our of earshot because I would never live this down.

So fart thoroughly dismissed we went about the rest of class. I swear to you it was like the instructor dared himself to make it happen again. Every pose we did put pressure on lower stomach. I have expected him to say this is the downward colon evacuater, good for detoxifying and passing gas.

I made it the rest of the class silently, but after class when Chris said, "It was you, wasn't it?" I said yes, and I am going to blog about it.

Retail therapy this is not

2010-01-12T11:35:00.002-05:00

So my great love of all things shopping does not apply to houses and/or mortgages.

Every time we come back from meeting our agent someone asks if we found a house. We have only looked at two! Plus when we do find a house there is a process. We will not come home and say, "We are back. We bought a house, can you help Chris get it out of the trunk."

I would not be so cranky if I wasn't sick. I just want someone to come in and say, "Here is your house. It is exactly what you wanted. Just sign this mortgage application and you are good to go."

My bra is good for a lot of things

2010-01-08T10:29:00.005-05:00

So yesterday some really bored 15 year old girl wanted a way to tell the cute boys in her class that she had just gotten her first sexy bra. I bet it was light pink and black lace trimmed. Anyway, she posted it on her face booked status like so

Slutty McSlutterton light pink and black lace trimmed

How does one get away with this? By sending an e-mail telling all your girlfriends to also post the color of their bra as their status and to not tell any guys what it is about (so coy, the little ones). Why would the friends agree to do this? Because it is for breast cancer awareness of course! My friend Slutty, she is the smart one too.

What annoyed me about this whole thing is that it caught on like a California wild fire. Why do my grown and knowledgeable about how the world works friends think posting a color would do anything to help the fight against breast cancer? It doesn't. Maybe there are people out there wearing bras who don't realize that they have breasts and are thus affected by breast cancer but I seriously doubt that.

What would really help the fight against breast cancer? If everyone of those women made themselves an annual gyno/mammogram appointment and got a friend to make one too.

Or if every woman who shared her bra color with the world donated the cost of that bra to

Susan G Komen

American Cancer Society

Avon Cancer Charities

Lee Jeans Cancer Charities

or a number of worthwhile charities. Last year my friends raised over $2500 for breast cancer charities so you and your red bra can go suck it.

So help me spread the word and the next time one of your friends asks you to repost something to save a puppy ask them how that works, and offer this suggestion - go to the pound and save a fucking puppy!

Update: This was so riveting that Washington Post weighed in

Happy New Year!

2010-01-04T10:22:00.001-05:00

Let's be honest about New Years' Resolutions

2010-01-04T09:54:00.003-05:00

If you couldn't quit smoking in 2009 then you aren't going to quit smoking in 2010.

I am not going to work out more. Maybe a tiny bit more, but not because it is a resolution but because as I get into better shape it becomes easier and it makes me feel good.

I am going to start blogging more (you've heard that before haven't you) and I think I will. Not because it is a new year but because we have moved and now I am here in my office where I am the IT department and I can do whatever I want.

I got mad skillz

2009-12-04T09:30:00.004-05:00

Just yesterday my friend, P, asked my advice and I told her what to say, like I always do. P pointed out that I always know what to say in any situation. Whether you want to be passive aggressive, mean, funny, make someone feel better, lie, be critical but not hurt their feelings. I realized that she is right. I do always know the best thing to say.

Then Laurie asked everyone today what their skill was, and how were they average. I am telling you what I told her.

I always know they right thing to say and I can come up with best plans/schemes/scenarios for any situation. I see all the paths. It also helps when say the boss wants a sudden unexpected meeting - I can run the scenarios and come up every good reason for this meeting and I am thus prepared.
This same skill kept me out of trouble when I was a teenager. I knew how to run the game. It was very Ocean's 11 just so I could stay out all night with a pack of friends and not be in trouble - it's my skill. I felt mad smart.

Then I went to college. There is no scheming in Organic Chemistry - you have to actually work really hard and memorize. Turns out I am not as smart as everyone thinks. I do also have a good memory but I am lazy so I would have had to read the stuff to actually memorize it.

In HR and any business and I can put my planning and sweet talking to work for me. I think a lot of times people fall to where their skills lie as opposed to what interests them.

Science still interests me, but its not what I love. Bellydance is what I love and I do that too. It just doesn't pay the bills.

What mad skillz were you born with?

Because I win at life!

2009-12-03T13:56:00.002-05:00

I know, I am not a good blogger. In the world of blogging, I am a baby so Coo! and shit. This is good enough for now. Wait until we move. Then I will wear you out with boring stories about me.

Aunt Becky has asked me some important questions, and if I answer them I could win a prize. That's inconsequential because I already WIN AT LIFE!

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Yes, it is actually my favorite thing on ice cream. I also like the waffle cones

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why? Pussy when defined as kitty cats. I am okay that the guy at the bar is a pussy because he won't take the shot but I do like Fat Boogas to be called a pussy. She is a cat dammit, and she can kick your ass!

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be? Birthday cake (with sprinkles)

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis? Make the bed

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself) Jifenner

6) Your stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they? ABBA, The Barenaked Ladies, Letters to Cleo, Copeland and Bach

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false? True

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self? Someday you be happy to be average. Average is not as average as you think.

Holy Basil, Batman!

2009-11-20T14:40:00.004-05:00

Have I mentioned previously that I have a touch of the crazy? (My mom gets SO mad when I say things like that) I do. I have anxiety and mild panic disorder (read: freak out disease).

I have been on and off the prescriptions meds. I prefer not to take any more meds than I have to so when I feel okay I go off them (under Dr's supervision, I am not that crazy).

Most recently I went on Lexapro in 2007 (the year of the suck*) and have been off of it since early this year. With all the stress of moving my anxiety has been running high. I saw a magazine blurb about Holy Basil which is good for anxiety. The next time Chris and I went to the health food store to buy cat food - did you doubt that Fat Boogas eats better than us? - I got a bottle.

I took it on Monday and my friends had a good giggle about my hippy tendencies. We went to lunch and the waiter over filled someones tea, giggled about it and left. Then I got the giggles. All week all we can do is talk about how over giddy people must be on the Holy Basil.
Also, the bottle says to take it with warm water. My friend says this is because you take it with bong water which is already warm.

I can't really say that I feel better but I did stand in line for 3 hours for a midnight showing of New Moon and didn't mace a single 15 year old. That should be proof enough.

*My husband always makes mention when I call 2007 the year of the suck that we got engaged that year. I remind him that he pushed back his proposal plans two times because people in my family kept dying.

I found out that November is like blog everyday month. It was half over when I found out. I thought about boycotting and not blogging at all but then I had something to talk about. I give up.

It's on like Donkey Kong

2009-11-02T16:21:00.003-05:00

I admit that I don't know what that means. My friend just explained that it's like how when you play Donkey Kong the Monkey throws a lot of shit at you while you are trying to save the Princess and stuff. That is to say that I am getting a lot of shit thrown at me. That is a true statement.

We have officially decided to move to Owensboro. In December. I just resigned my job effective on December 11. It's on like Donkey Kong.

Also, please buy my house. Zillow.com (Jen's House)

Snuggie Pub Crawl

2009-10-23T14:37:00.006-04:00

On October 17, I participated in the Knoxville Snuggie Pub Crawl. It started with an idea on Twitter. Then an event was created on Facebook (this is where I RSVP'd and my posse got on board). Soon it was phenomenon. Why do it? Because sometimes adults need to get out and be silly. As Seen on TV silly.

I lucked out and to make up for my crappy birthday, my friend bought me a pink Snuggie and a bedazzler! (not a real bedazzler a GeMagic).

I had 6 friends who weren't using Twitter (at that time, we converted 2) so I decided even if it was hoax or no one else showed up we would have a great time. But people came out. News media, marketing professional, lawyers, real estate agents, moms, dads, students... what did we have in common? Snuggies and drinking. It doesn't get much better than that.

It was friend who unfortunately got sick and couldn't come whom suggested that we carry our free book lights.

Now I got Tweeps (Twitter+Peeps) that I know in real life and can't wait for the next Tweet-up. I am already hooking up with Tweeps in Owensboro for when this move does finally come.

Read an article about the Pub Crawl by my tweep, Laura Bower

See us on Snuggie sightings!

How I almost didn't get to Mexico

2009-10-14T19:58:00.004-04:00

So, Chris and I just got back from Mexico. Which is a miracle since we almost didn't get there multiple times. We were scheduled to leave on Sunday. Everything was packed and I was cleaning the coffee pot before we started dinner on Saturday night. Out of no where Chris looked at me and said, " where are the passports?" I panicked and ran for mine and then looked at Chris and I knew the answer but I asked him, "Where is yours?" I am not sure if he had realized until I asked, the whole thing is a blur. "Did you get it from the bank?"

See we usually keep them both in the safe deposit box but I had only recently had mine renewed with my new last name and since our trip was in less than 2 months, I never took it bad. The really bad part is that 3 days before Chris had been to the bank to return our marriage certificate to the box. I immediately burst into tears and called our travel agent (as I told my mother, if I can cry during a Disney Channel Original Movie, I can cry for this). There was nothing she could do to get our trip moved but luckily we took out insurance so we cancelled the first trip and rebooked for Tuesday. I made Chris call our friends who were going with us to tell them we wouldn't be joining them for two days. I couldn't deal. Since we were rebooked I got my act together and felt okay.

When the bank opened Monday morning, Chris was there. Tuesday we boarded our plan promptly at 7:15 am. The pilot announced we were cleared to take off at 8:30! (I wish there was such a thing as capital numbers). Our flight for Cancun was leaving at 9:41 and by my calculations we weren't going to make it. When the plane landed we ran. I mean I RAN! and I don't run. Chris confessed that I made it a lot farther than he thought I would. And........we didn't make it. Barely. By minutes.

We got rerouted through Dallas to Cancun (yes, that is one more plane that we had planned). We would also be arriving at 4pm rather than 12 with another tight connection. I was on that sort of verge of tears the whole rest of the way because my nerves were so fried. We arrived and NO LUGGAGE.

Once we finally got to the hotel and met with our friends, all I could keep saying was, "We'll

decide what we are doing once we get our luggage. I had a swimsuit in the bag but only jeans and it was 90+ degrees so I wouldn't be going anywhere besides the pool.

Chris and I had taken a shower and were wearing our complimentary bathrobes and the bellboy called to say he had our luggage. He got a good laugh when we saw how badly we needed it (they were very short robes)!

From then on everything was perfect.

I am so the crazy American Tourist

Look at those rockin' tan lines.

And on a side note, even though I drank my weigh in Pina Coladas and had churros for breakfast, I only gained 2 pounds. Pretty awesome. Now back to the grind.

The Bus

2009-10-01T11:44:00.002-04:00

I ride the bus to work. I first started this when gas prices were really high then not long after I was in an accident that totalled my husbands car. We only had one car for a few weeks and then ended up with my Pathfinder, Helga, who drinks a lot. So I have been on the bus since March of 2008. I am spoiled by it. I get to drink my coffee, reader my blogs and then get dropped off and picked up directly in front of my building. BUT there is a stigma attached with the bus.

Yesterday I was in Target with a friend. We were looking at the new trend in finger tip less gloves. I said, "Would I look crazy if I got these to wear on the bus?" (so I can iPhone and have warm hands) My friend said, "Yes" I made a sad face and she followed up, "Only if you wear them on the bus. If you wore them other places, you wouldn't look crazy. People could see you had a purse and stuff and aren't homeless." That made me laugh. I like that the qualification for not being homeless is having a purse.

This morning a lady coughed on the bus and I thought to myself OMG Typhus (I am not sure what this is), I bet if she had coughed in a restaurant I would not have panicked. On the bus it is a different story.

And 2 other things. If you want awesome glove or arm warmers check out www.etsy.com and you should try to ride the bus where you live. You mind end up like me and love it. Last week I had to drive to work and was very upset about it.

The Produce Beagle

2009-09-23T15:13:00.005-04:00

My husband, Chris if you missed it, is from New Zealand. It is tiny island nation that is sort of like Australia's fat cousin. Everyone can remember Australia and facts about it but no one remembers New Zealand for anything except being close to Australia (and Lord of the Rings).
Since I have been to New Zealand, I think this is sad because it is really one of the most spectacular places I have ever seen.

Today my friend got a call from animal control. Her neighbor complained that her beagle was out of his pen. I am glad someone brought this to her attention. I mean have you seen Snoopy? The dog has a war plane in his dog house. And my friend's beagle? Named Maverick. She is just lucky he hasn't shot anyone.

Anyway, all this talk of beagles made me think of The Produce Beagle. When you come through US Customs or Mexico Customs or most places where they "check you". There is a German Shepard or Doberman who sniffs your luggage and checks for drugs of the illegal kind. New Zealand on the other hand is not concerned with drugs (Hello! The home of bungee jumping and zorbing, stoned people fuel their economy) but with produce. The number one industry in New Zealand is agriculture and the worst thing that could happen to them is for you to bring a rotten apple with some exotic disease into their country. So just like in the states a dog comes and sniffs your luggage but it's a beagle.
I watched him bust a girl with a banana in her purse. He just walked over and stood beside her bag. The agent came up and asked her if she had any produce. She opened her purse and gave the agent a half eaten banana in a ziploc. The agent then took it to the fruit bin. Once she threw it away, the dog who had been so calm got all excited to get his treat for doing a good job. It was too cute. I have found my next career. I want to be the lady who handles the produce Beagle.

Reprised from my travel blog Jen and Chris go to New Zealand which includes the best picture of my husband drunk in a paisley shirt evah!

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

2009-09-23T14:50:00.004-04:00

So it was just my birthday. I'm 29 (because I know that you wanted to know). My birthday this year was totally lackluster.

1) It was a Tuesday
2) I was depressed (not about my birthday)

Anyway, it got me thinking about my best and worst birthdays.

Worst - 19. Nothing happened. I think my roommate got me a cake at the store but that was it. No going out, no fun time, maybe a present from my mom.

Best - 23. So Hurricane ~~hmm, remember to google this~~ Isabel was going to hit the Virginia Coast and since my best friends parents lived on Long Island (Isabel target #2) she evacuated herself to Knoxville. She always said it would take a Hurricane to get to Knoxville and it did.

Now I don't know how or why we decided I needed to have a monkey themed 23rd birthday party (drink much?) but we did. We printed out lots of pictures of monkeys and posted them up in my apartment. We also bought drink mixers and replaced all the recommended liquors with 99 bananas. That's right 99 bananas IN EVERYTHING! You could have a cosmo-monkey or a slut monkey or a monkeys naval.

I recall a few things about that night. I was quitting smoking because I said I wouldn't smoke past graduation, I recall this caused me to act out. I do know I wore my door wreath on my head at some point. I also bit a guy on the ankle.

See I was getting my MBA and my laptop was out and my friend (a classmate) was on it chatting with another classmate and pretending to be me. I tried to stop him and he put his hand on my head and smooshed me to the floor (yeah, you try to fight someone after you've had 97 of the 99 bananas) and so since I was down there I made a strategic move and bit his ankle. This is the only incident in my adult life that I have bit someone, I am much more of a slapper. Anyway, once you bite someone's ankle there is really no competing with that.

What is your best/worst birthday story?

An important update

2009-09-11T11:26:00.003-04:00

1 - go vote for me in the Aunt Becky Goes Places and Does Stuff Contest, it's #10

2 - my at work WW may not make. This means I will have to go with the masses to the WW main office. I will still go but reserve the right to complain about it. For reals people - the WW it works. It is worth the money - would you pay money for someone to wave a wand and make you thin? Yeah, so then you should pay for this (of course it's not magic fast but nothing is and the point is in 5 years when you haven't lost any weight you will be all like Dammit! I should have listened to Jen)

3 - The flu. I do not have it. If you think you have it then stay home. Do not touch me. Do not touch people who will touch me or things I will touch. I am not a baby about being sick (unlike every man ever) but I am dancing here in 2 weeks and going on vacation here the week after that and if you ruin that for me I will haunt your sweaty flu dreams.

THE Weight Watchers

2009-09-02T09:19:00.002-04:00

I do Weight Watchers (jeez, that feels like a confession). It's true. Without disclosing my actual weight lets just say in 2003 and again in 2008 I topped out at exactly 100 lbs more than I weighed when I graduated high school. For reals.
Anyway, in the interim of athletic to tub I tried LA Weight Loss - I don't remember this working at all, South Beach Diet - lost 40 gained 60, Slim Fast - lost 28 gained 48, and something I can't remember the name of but I could have any salt - lost 10 in week and binge drank it all back on in 1 hour. Weight Watchers is the first one of these plans where the weight hasn't magically melted off. It is also the first plan that hasn't made me say, "Man, as soon as this diet is over I am going to eat _____."
So on the one hand WW is frustratingly slow (read healthy) and on the other hand I feel like I could do this forever and not continually to yo-yo my way up to 300 lbs.
I thought I would lay out the back story so I could share a bit about how WW is going on the blog.
I am worried about moving and being weeks and even months without a meeting. Hopefully, I can make is seamless and only miss a few. I use etools which is the online tracking so I can still track even if I am without meetings.

Nearly Fat Free Buffalo Chicken Dip

2009-08-26T22:18:00.008-04:00

My friend Kelley and my mom both make the same recipe for the most incredible buffalo chicken dip. Mmmm....

Alas, it is not low fat. I had a serious craving for it one day and because I was terrified that fat police (and possibly my weight watchers group leader) would magically appear and take my cream cheese away I had to get to substituting.

First, you need some chicken. Kelley's recipe calls for canned chicken. I think that would work in mine too but I haven't tried it. I had been boiling chicken breasts and shredding them but tonight I cheated and pulled apart a rotisserie chicken. This was much more chicken and also got

mushy as it cooked - I like mushy but you might not.

Then I add:

1 can low fat cream of celery

8 oz fat free sour cream

1 packet dry ranch seasoning

1/2 cup buffalo wing sauce (not pictured) - 1/2 cup is the minimum, we are wussies when it comes to the heat

See all the store brands, that's the husbands doing. He is very ~~cheap~~ frugal.

Tonight we mixed it up and added chopped celery right to it. This gave it a nice crunch.

Let it all cook and when it is hot through and through you will have a delicious orange glop.

Chris and I do good to get it on plates and then scoop it with baked tortilla chips and celery (except when we jump the gun and put the celery in it).

If I were going to take this to a party I think I would put it in a small casserole dish, pour a little extra wing sauce on top for a nice orange color and then put a little pile of chopped celery in the middle because I am fancy like that.

You should make this and have me over, or better yet just bring it here. I will put my bathrobe on.

You are moving! OMG! WTF! LOL! NSFW!

2009-08-20T13:50:00.003-04:00

So this blog wasn't meant to be live yet. I thought it would be fun to do a blog about moving so I set it up, made it pretty, did a few introductory posts and then I was going to let it sit until we moved but what happened was I entered a contest and that post just wouldn't seem right on my other blog. So I decided to go ahead and publish this one.

Here are the facts:
1. We are moving to The Boro
2. We don't know when
3. We have very mixed feelings about it
4. I am an extrovert and like to talk about my feeling on the interwebs

I would also like to take this time to apologize to my husband who is a private person and does not like his shit out there. I love you and you knew what you were getting into when you married me.

Chapter One: In Which We Take Aunt Becky to Dollywood

2009-08-20T10:50:00.021-04:00

Preface: See it all started when I became concerned that I would end up like those moms (you know the ones) who can only send pictures of their babies and put their Facebook Status as "the baby is finally asleep." I am sure that having a baby does change everything but hopefully it won't change me into a robot, zombie, diaper changer. So in my quest for moms who rock. I found Aunt Becky, and the first thing I found when I got there was this.

Chapter One: In Which We Take Aunt Becky to Dollywood

They say you can't take Aunt Becky anywhere. But if you were going to take her somewhere it would be here. Dolly doesn't judge.

We started out leaving town and I had to take a picture of the Sunsphere because it is slightly phallic and has wigs in it.
Getting to Dollywood is an ordeal because it is in Pigeon Forge. If you ever go to Pigeon Forge you will see a lot of old people. That is because they have been stuck in traffic since 1986.
I got bored in traffic and had the camera out.

So here is me, trying to undouble the chin by angling my shot (it only made it worse, it only ever makes it worse),

and here is Chris wondering why we are taking business cards on a trip and if his wife is off her meds (answer: yes).

Yay! It's too late now. We spent money! I must say I like how Dolly puts her picture on everything. I might start putting my picture on everything.

Okay, so we tried to take a picture of ourselves and I can tell what I was thinking. I was thinking, "Chris is so tall. I will have to look up to be in the picture." Don't judge me.

Luckily one of Dolly's ~~illegal immigrant~~ photographers so good they must be imported took pity on us and took our picture.

The first thing we did was take the train that goes around Dollywood and into the Smokies. Dolly cares a lot about the Smokies and protecting them for the future, which is why she has a train that burns 5 tons of coal and 5,000 gallons of water a day. Don't worry I am drafting my letter.

The best thing about the train was the woman giving a baby (since I don't have a baby I cannot speculate the baby's age but let's say this baby could sort of stand up and maybe walk if holding something) a diet coke. Now I will cut a bitch for a diet coke but I am pretty sure if you aren't supposed to have one when you are pregnant that you should not be giving it directly to the baby.

Then we were hot so we went on a log ride. This was really the only ride all day wear I could take a picture without fear of death, at least for the camera.

So it turns out that Dolly loves the eagles - no, not those Eagles although I bet she loves those too.
That is a real eagle. It creeped me out because it looks plastic.

OMG, eagles just pick up any kind of crap for their nests.

Chris made his only request of the day. (Well, besides don't spend too much money and don't eat 10 funnel cakes and then cry about how you are fat.) He wanted to see the eagle show. I have a picture of an eagle in the show but I like owls and this is my blog.

After the show it was time to hit the good rides. It was 100 thousand degrees (on the Jen scale) so there weren't a lot of people or long lines. Here we are in line. I look happy, I must have just had a snack.

Here we scope out the view. That is the newest ride that is sort of like the Space Needle on steroids.

There is a lot of weird crap in Dollywood.

Chris was excited that the coffin was long enough. I went ahead and bought it.

This was some sort of moonshine device. Dolly seems to support the shine. It makes me wonder if she knew Popcorn.

Finally, we went to see Sha-Kon-O-Hey which is the current big production about living in the Mountains at the time the park was created. In was really good. I think most people can agree that Dollywood puts on a good show. I admit I teared up a little when Grandma decided she wasn't gonna move out West.

And of course what trip to an amusement park would be complete without strategic product placement.

Things I Need Where I Live

2009-07-27T11:12:00.001-04:00

a good farmer's market
sushi (good sushi is implied)
reliable 3G coverage
a place to dance
an amazing wine list
a store that sells Boogas brand of cat food
Dunkin Donuts (seriously, if you open one, I will keep you in business)

The rest is history

2009-07-27T10:45:00.000-04:00

This is a blog about adventure and exploration. The adventure is moving, working with family, starting our own family and sharing what we love with people who might not get it. The exploration is figuring out our values, what we really want and finding out if our dreams will only come true in a certain place or if we can take them with us where ever we go.

A little background on my relationship with my hometown.
I hated growing up in Owensboro. I don't think I am alone on that count either. I mean really? What does it have to offer? Good schools, low crime, a sense of family. Does that shit matter when you are 16? No. I was disaffected youth all the way.
The minute I graduated high school I was off to college in Miami. I wanted to get as far as I could still be on the East Coast. Even when I visited I think I couldn't wait to get back to SoFla. I loved everything the city had to offer. Graduate school brought me to Knoxville, TN. I love it here. It has everything I want and nothing I don't - except maybe poor air quality.
But fate has dealt me an unfair hand. Through twists and turns of career paths too high to count I wound up with a Master in Business. Then I married an engineer. I have become my parents (which isn't bad my parents are cool).
So there it is folks. Eleven years later, we are going back to work at my family's engineering business. I should have been a school teacher, married a doctor.

I think my dad described what moving back to Owensboro will be like to a tee, "Owensboro has tripled in size since you left but it hasn't changed one bit."
Well, I have changed. And now I am a changer. Part of the reason any young adult hates their hometown is that they can't leave and they can't do anything about it. I am looking forward to seeing what I can do to spice up things in the Big O. A part from helping my mom run the business I am going to continue my journey as a Middle Eastern Dancer and begin teaching proper Bellydancing in the Boro. Let's just see how this goes.